The top of the Rock

I am starting a new tradition, based off of a pattern that I have experienced throughout my travels in seeing many wonders of the world. Unfortunately, when my wife and I finally get to a high spot to see a spectacular view, for some reason we are unable to see a thing!

I am calling this new category of blogs “Censored Views of our World”

“The top of the Rock” Rockefeller Center is a complex of 19 commercial buildings covering 22 acres in New York City.  It was declared a National Historic Landmark in 1987. This building is considered one of the tallest sky scrapers in New York City and is one of the few that still allows tourists to climb to the top of it and see the big city from way up above.

This is the view you should see from the top of the rock:

This is the view I saw from the top of the rock:

24-dollar view well spent. What do you think?

The evil child

I was labeled the evil child in my family. Yes, every family has one. If you ever get to see any of our corny family home videos from the 80’s and 90’s you would always see me doing something mischievous or saying something off-color followed by my father yelling at me to stop teasing my siblings. “There’s Kirk the Jerk!” you can still hear that in most of my family’s footage.

I am so different from my family. They are all quick to back down from any confrontation and I choose to cause drama. Because of my rowdiness (and constantly getting in trouble with my parents whenever something broke or someone got hurt physically or emotionally), I was always the first notorious suspect called in for interrogation and most of the time blamed for it even if I was innocent...which was seldom. 

Many years ago my dad recorded a movie off of television called The North Avenue Irregulars. The plot of this movie is irrelevant to this story except for the fact that there was a scene where a priest is kicked out of a underground gambling organization with no pants on and he has to pound on the door of the fake dry cleaning store in just his boxers and upper clothing.

This scene inspired my siblings so much that they had to reenact it. I was in the family room watching a bad movie on television when Fascott stormed in and told me that Fajon had wrestled his pants off of him and threw him out the front door. I wasn't really paying attention to him and just wanted him to leave so I could get back to my movie, so when he asked if he should do the same thing to him I said halfheartedly, “Sure why not.” He quickly left to find Fajon. Twenty minutes later, my livid mother yelled for me to come to the living room. All my brothers were sheepishly sitting on the couch. I said, “What the heck?” my mother then began her potent monologue: 

“Kirk, sit down, we need to talk! I just received a call from our neighbor, who lives across the street, who, might I remind you, is a cop and works with battered and abused families. She asked me why she saw Fajon locked outside and pounding on the front door with no pants on. I am very disappointed in you Kirk, how could you do that to poor Fajon? You are always picking on him. You are lucky that she hasn't come over here to arrest you.”

The image of Fajon outside in his whitey tighties cracked me up. I told my mom that I didn't do it. She said, "I don’t care, I know you had something to with it!" She then went on to lecture us on virtue and how we all need to have good visible public relationships. I wasn't really listening at this point. I mostly tuned her out because I believed I had nothing to do with it. I felt like Sadam Husein getting overthrown and hung after the 9/11 tragedy occurred.

True, growing up I was a scallywag, but I also added savor to the otherwise bland lives of the Baxter family.

Are you an evil child too? Or are you tormented by one?

(The names of the people in this story have been altered for privacy.)

Inspired by the blog: Everybody's Speshul

Cooking with Fanna and Falaina

Winter is coming on soon and one of Fanna and Falaina’s primitive instincts for surviving the coldest part of the year is to store an ample amount of freezer meals which they have proudly created. Aren't they silly?

Fanna is very persuasive and got me to help her. Falaina said, "Yeah! Help her or I’ll smash you!” Never argue with a hangry Falaina .(Hangry = hungry + angry)

The entire Friday and Saturday of my Labor Day weekend was spent chopping vegetables by hand, cramming treasures into a meat grinder, and finding creative ways to quickly freeze our creations in very limited freezer space. Some great philosophies taught to me by this wise pair are as follows:

1. If anyone complains about the taste of the meals, tell them they cooked or reheated them wrong. Never admit defeat and never apologize.
2. Expiration dates are only a figment of interpretation.
3. It may not taste like beef, it may not look like beef, but who cares? It was on sale by the pound.
4. Cooking with wine is not only oozing with culture but also highly recommended… feel free to sip a little.
5. Pepper can fix anything.
6. Nine times the recipe.
7. Stay up until one in the morning for optimal results.

 I would like to personally thank my dear friends, Fanna and Falaina, for constantly lending me their aid, strength, and wisdom.

Inspiring T-shirts #2

In tribute to another family reunion, I dictated my idea to my wife who helped stenciled out this beauty of a t-shirt. We picked the bright colors to help encourage positive feelings in all who see it. This shirt was such a big hit that I had many other family members who wanted one of their own. Maybe I’ll patent this design. What do you think?

The Infestation

Common Name: Stag beetle

Description: Stag beetles are large, robust beetles typically dark brown in color. They have the club of the antennae with the segments separated rather than compact like scarab beetles. Males have elongated mandibles that are used to joust with rival males.

Not really aggressive to humans and have no known venomous traits or other harmful attributes. They love to live in wooded areas like rotting tree stumps or wood chips.

Why the National Geographic-like report? Because I saw an infestation of these critters all over not one, but three, of Orem’s playgrounds and parks where our children play.

After I made this frightful discovery I scooped two of them up and brought them home for further analysis. One appeared to be female and missing a leg and the other with the larger pincers appeared to be male with aggressive passions for the female who was trapped in the jar with him.

Specimens in my jar

I then had to complete my observation of them by allowing the male to pinch me. It took some time and some coercion but he did. It felt like getting bitten by an ant, or being pinched with tweezers. Apparently these things can grow up to 4” long. After I had completed all of my scientific observations, I released the happy couple back into the wild into an undisclosed neighbor’s yard to multiply and replenish their property. Isn’t nature amazing?

Why pocket change on monuments?

Another creepy attraction is the headstone in the Salt Lake Cemetery inscribed: “Lilly E Gray - Victim of the Beast 666.” This is another noteworthy attraction recommended by sick freaks like me if you are touring this cemetery. After reading the stories and legends behind it (such as demonic consumption, or her possessed husband who was a butcher offered her as a blood sacrifice to the devil or whatever), I had to laugh. This reminds me of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, a play wherein some immature girls turned a comic sport to amuse themselves into a lethal superstition. The townspeople in that story were so quick to accept and judge any accusation. I feel that people are reacting too quickly to the rumors and legends of this headstone. Elmer Gray was the husband who made the funeral arrangements for his wife. Elmer was a bitter man who was rumored to have suffered from a long term illness, served a prison sentence, and hated the government for wrongfully arresting him. He chose to write that on his late wife’s headstone. (By the way, he was noted for referring to his wife as a victim of the government...but I digress.)

 

How I found the headstone

Anyway, after a while of searching I finally found her famous headstone. The thing I noticed most about it was that there was a large amount of pocket change (pennies nickels, and dimes) piling up on the headstone. I noticed this same peculiar offering was cluttered around Emo’s vase in his headstone. (Refer back to my story of Emo.) I also noticed this strange offering was also beginning to gather at the bust of Jesus Christ in the hallway of the Joseph Smith memorial building. Which begs the question: what’s with the pocket change on monuments?!?

 

When I researched it I came across three references.

 

1. Benjamin Franklin was famously quoted for saying “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Because of that all sorts of tourists visiting his grave in Philadelphia toss pennies over the fence on to his grave in some sort of quirky tribute. When tourists pay their respect to Benjamin Franklin, with pennies at his tombstone, as a local tradition claims that such a practice will bring the penny-tosser luck.

Benjamin Franklin's grave

2. In ancient mythology there was the story about the boatman of the underworld named Charon, for passage to the other side of the river Styx, you would need to pay him some sort of toll to cross over that is why loved ones would traditionally bury gold coins either on or with the body. By not sending a toll with your loved one you would inconsiderately condemn them to wander the shores in purgatory forever. In a way, I assume some grave visitors somewhat mimic that tradition.

 

3. Some people hold to the tradition of leaving a gift every time you visit a grave, so if you don’t have flowers then a coin from your pocket should suffice.

 

That is what I came up with what do you think? Do you know any other reason why people would place pocket change on monuments?

Martha Stewart, eat your heart out!

We decided to have a gingerbread man contest last winter, and I think mine won. Here’s the recipe:

1.      Buy one precooked gingerbread man from the seasonal aisle at the your local Walmart.

2.      Buy pre-made icing of all various colors of the rainbow from your local Walmart.

3.      Decorate your gingerbread man with as many colors as you can fit on the cookie.

4.      Smash a doughnut with icing and sprinkles upside down on his head, creating an instant sombrero.

This makes a great date night activity. Do you think desserts that are made from scratch are better than ones that are 3/4ths already completed (store bought) for you?