Sunday, September 20, 2015

Things that must go: cops who pull over bike riders in Provo

Cops who pull over bike riders in Provo: I was riding my bike home from work and had not traveled more then 5 minutes on nothing more than sidewalks and crosswalks when a cop car turned his lights on and waved me to a stop. He said, “I was just checking on you because we received a call that you were weaving in and out of traffic and I just wanted to make sure you are okay.” I explained to him I had only been riding on sidewalks and told him I thought he had the wrong guy. Then he gave me a lecture anyway about riding safely. Cops that don't verify bike riders before they pull them over must go. Also, disgruntled Provo drivers who hate Provo traffic and make calls like that on bike riders must go.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Things that must go: Minion pins on Pinterest

Minion pins on Pinterest: Anyone on Facebook or Instagram that pins and shares Minion pins must go. (See attachment) Every one of them shows a picture of a minion followed by some witty or clever saying like, “I know the voices in my head aren't real....but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!” Pierre Coffin, the director of the Despicable Me movies who also makes the voice of all the minions in the movies, has stated that there is no official Minion language like the Klingon language is on Star Trek. It is all just jibber-jabber. So, implying that minions speak in sonnets or limericks is incredibly stupid. It was not funny the first shared pin I viewed nor do the hundreds more I am viewing make it any more funny. These stupid shared Minion pins on Pinterest must go.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Things that must go: registering our rewards cards

Registering our rewards cards must go: This goes for all franchises that utilize rewards cards that track how much you spend and then reward you with a free sandwich etc... You do not need to know my personal information to allow me to keep using your rewards system. That is none of your business. After a decade of dining at Subway and using a rewards card the franchise gave me 30 days to register. I just threw my card away. Their bread is not fresh, it is premade, frozen, and then warmed in an oven and they are stifling their 5 dollar foot long deal… Actually, not only can we do without registering rewards cards, but Subway in general must go too.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Things that must go: panhandlers who assault people in Orem

I frequently post a list of my "Things That Must Go." For those of you who don't know, this is a weekly segment that Kerry, Bill and Gina do on The Radio From Hell show on X96 every Wednesday morning. After paying close attention to this segment I have noticed that 97% of what I write never makes it on air. Whether it infringes on their sponsors or they just plain don’t like my list I am not too sure. I decided to do a topic on my blog called Rejected from X96’s Hell: what never made it on air. Enjoy! 

Panhandlers who assault people in Orem: I was exiting a McDonalds next to Walmart. About 600 feet away is the favored corner where panhandlers shake cardboard signs. One panhandler made eye contact with me. I thought nothing of it and gave no indication that I had anything for him. After entering my car and turning on the ignition I received a pounding knock on the roof of my car. To my surprise this panhandler had left his favored corner and walked the 600-foot distance to my car. I said nothing, just looked at him. He said “I don't want your money!” I was confused but he repeated, “I said I don't want your money!” Still confused I replied, “Okay then. ” He then flipped out using all sorts of obscenities like 'mother hugger' and 'a-hole' and something crude about my mother... He then left the while saluting me with the bird raised high the entire way until he was out of sight. I give him an A for dramatic flair. I am still dazed and confused over the whole ordeal. Did he want a beer? Regardless, I did not approach him nor give any signal from far away indicating that I had something for him. It makes me not want to consider giving panhandlers anything ever. Panhandlers like that must go!

Monday, March 16, 2015

Spontaneous nunchuck lessons Part 2

Nunchaku, often casually known as "nunchucks," are a traditional Okinawan martial arts weapon that is made of two sticks that are connected by a rope or a chain on one end. The Nunchaku make a great training weapon, which can help you improve your posture and develop quicker movements of the hands.

As I mentioned before my gang and I decided to have a night out with spontaneous nunchuck lessons. We asked a nice sensei who was very generous to let us use his dojo and training equipment. He was also generous with his time.

Yes, I brought my homemade nunchucks with me. I made three pairs but I was the only brave one to train with them luckily everyone else used foam chucks.

The following photos are the most well known way to hold nunchucks right before you combat with them

When you are not intending to fight someone but you would still like to intimidate them you hold them crossed in your arms but still visible

A less intimidating hold is where you hide the nunchucks behind your arm

We started very slowly with some basic over the shoulder, and then catch it with your other hand under the arm technique like so:

Then we tried something more aggressive. We would whip the chucks over the shoulder, wave the chucks in front of us in a figure-eight motion and then bring it back to this position.

Some of us got more confident and faster as the night went on. This was not wise for a beginner. 

I feel like the lesson was a success. What cool and spontaneous things have you done with your gang?

Monday, March 9, 2015

Spontaneous nunchuck lessons Part 1

My gang and I decided to take a crash course in nunchuck lessons. 

I wanted to make sure we all had nunchucks to practice with… so I made some!

Step one: find an old broomstick

Step two: saw it down into 11-12” sticks. I was able to cut six out of this broomstick.

Step three: Go to home depot and by a cheap designer chain: 

and some screw eyes:

Step four: with a drill and some pliers you can attach the chain to the broom stick handles. My sensei told me that the shorter the length of the chain the better it is for a beginner.

Step five: begin lessons! Stay tuned for next week’s blog on training with my gang in the dojo!

VoilĂ ! Just your own homemade assault with a deadly weapon product!

This project only cost me $1.35 to assemble. Did you know I was so thrifty?